Sideburn Story 1: The Scoop on Shade Squidbilly, The Douchebag DNA Donor, Side B: A Lioness Cornered

2021.10.23 14:54 ElectricalFennec Sideburn Story 1: The Scoop on Shade Squidbilly, The Douchebag DNA Donor, Side B: A Lioness Cornered

Sideburn Story 1: The Scoop on Shade Squidbilly, The Douchebag DNA Donor, Side B: A Lioness Cornered This is a reposted version of a tale I already posted, cut into two parts to make it easier to digest for any new readers, and easier for our man ReddX to one day read. This is Side B of the story.
As always, the names have been changed, but the events and locations described within are unaltered.
Heavy Themes Ahead: This story deals with domestic abuse. Please be warned.
Now then, it's time for us to get to the second half of the reposted tale, that of my sister's exodus from home and into the arms of Shade... and it's time for us to learn what was truly terrifying about this man. For you see, he was in possession of a trait that was far more horrific than any of us could have expected. We're going to be diving right into this tale, and don't worry, I won't bore you guys with a repost of the character list and locations. So then, time for us to continue our first...
SIDEBURN STORY!!!
I should print T-shirts with that title. ...oh, right, the story. Ahem...
---
Sideburn Story: The Scoop on Shade Squidbilly, The Douchebag DNA Donor
Side B: A Lioness Cornered
So we will start with where we left off last time, me answering the phone as Fennecmom was just loading up the last few boxes before her move to the Dustbowl without me, and being caught off guard by Shade's voice.
"Hey, this is... Fennec, right?"
"Yeah... why are you calling us? Did something happen to Lioness?"
"Uhhhhh, kinda... is your mom there?"
"What happened?"
"No, it's nothing, just... can I talk to your mom?"
"Whatever you have to say, you can tell me. She's outside packing the trailer with boxes. Spill."
Obviously, I was still rather jaded about this guy. And then the venomous statement was spoken.
"Well uh... congrats on becoming an uncle."
...becoming an uncle?
...
jontronohnoooo.mp4
In my sister's infinite wisdom, she had gotten herself knocked up out of wedlock by Evil Shaggy and was roughly a month into her pregnancy. Goddammit. Alright, nothing to worry about... you know the procedure for what to do here, Fennec.
I frantically ran outside and screamed at Fennecmom that Lioness was now carrying the freakseed of the knife nut. Fennecmom lost her shit, grabbed the phone and began cursing out Shade at that very instant. I had never seen my mother get as angry as she did at that moment. I swear she turned shades of red I didn't know existed. ("And that color, we call Raging Bob Tomato!")
Even Lioness getting on the phone to soothe her nerves did nothing. Fennecmom just turned her frustration onto Lioness for getting pregnant without even being married-- in fact, after only three months of dating! As this was on speakerphone, I got to hear Lioness basically drowning on dry land as she attempted to get a word in edgewise, only to be smacked down every time by Fennecmom's words.
I won't lie. I did feel bad for Lioness at that moment. She was probably pretty excited to be having a child, and was trying to talk to someone she hoped would be supportive. But she didn't get it.
She hung up after about five minutes of Fennecmom screaming at her. Fennecmom hung up and cried for the first time I'd seen in over a year. I couldn't do much to console her. Neither could Stepfennec. All we could do was let her work it out of her system.
Now, we're going to fast forward a little bit here, as the remainder of events at this time were my Serpentbeard troubles. There were occasional updates, as my sis would call me directly to give me the current situation with her pregnancy. There WAS a major scare at one point where she was told her baby's DNA was coming back as a potential trisomy-18 case, but it proved negative after a week of further testing. At this point, however, we will now fast forward to when I moved out of the Dallesport area, and into Stepfennec's house on the edge of the Eastern Oregon Dustbowl. Stepfennec's home was on a less used farmland than our old one, but it was actually a pretty nice place surrounded by wheat fields. Fennecmom and I were doing pretty well out there, and with Stepfennec's help, he managed to push me to seek employment. I didn't find my first job for a few months, but this proved to be a blessing, as if I had, I might not be able to be part of the next stretch of the tale.
So our story runs up to mid-January. Stepfennec approached me in my bedroom and had to ask me something important.
"Fennec, your momma wants to ask you somethin' that's gonna be kinda a big favor. So, your sister is due next week, and your momma is workin' on gettin' ready to head out ta be there for her during those first days of motherhood, help her out with the fundamentals and prepare her."
"And you guys will need me to feed the horses and watch the house while you're gone? Got it."
"Actually, I need to stay here an' keep doin' my job with the State Patrol. Your momma was hopin' you'd go with 'er an' provide moral support fer her and Lioness."
"...how long will she be out there?"
"Hm, I'd say... one... two... three weeks?"
Three weeks.
In an unfamiliar land.
I won't lie, I considered saying no. The prospect of traveling that far from home was terrifying, especially when it meant I would be away from everything familiar to me for a long time. But then I thought about my mom and my sister. I couldn't leave Fennecmom to her devices alone that long. And I had already done enough damage to my relationship with Lioness at this point. I had to try and repair the bridge at least a little before it collapsed forever.
And it would finally let me meet this idiot named Shade face to face. The Fennec Tingle will confirm my suspicions. So I approached mom myself, not wanting to leave it to Stepfennec.
"I'll go."
"You're sure? It's a long trip, and a long visit to boot..." Fennecmom said with a look of concern.
"I'll be fine. You have a laptop, I have a 3DS, and I don't want to let you travel alone."
"Well, if you're sure... thank you, Fennec."
With that, we made our plan for the trip that night, and went to sleep.
...yeah, Lioncub got impatient, because she didn't want to wait until we were in town to be born. We got a call in the middle of that very night.
"Mom...! Baby... NOW!"
Oh crap, that's Lioness.
...DID SHE SAY BABY?! NOW?!
panic.kermit
Welp, THAT was fast! Mom and I went into full on Fennec Family Caffeine Rush mode as we slugged down a couple of cups of coffee (each), packed our bags haphazardly, grabbed our needed electronics, and booked an overnight flight to the Land of Confusion. Stepfennec rushed us to the Tri-Cities airport, where we then catapulted ourselves across the country to the O'Hare International Airport.
In mid-winter. Meaning everything was covered in a layer of video game ice-level-grade snow and ice.
ohmyfavorite.jontron
The snow led to a short delay in our arrival, and to our dismay, Fennecmom's laptop fell off a bench and took a hard enough hit to die on the spot (we picked up a replacement the following day), but we eventually were able to get to our destination, the Dubuque Airport, Hair Care And Tire Center in Iowa. And THEN we had to rent a car to drive ourselves back into Illinois, directly to the town of Savanna.
Which, I will not lie, is a fuuuuuucking shithole. I may be biased from my experiences in the town, but I did not like this city at all. There was practically nothing there, save for a couple of minor chain restaurants, an awful lot of tumbleweeds, and people who talked like they were trying to emulate Billy Zane's mocking cowboy drawl from Demon Knight. Badly.
In any event, we made our way directly to the hospital, where Lioness had already made it through the delivery of a perfectly healthy baby girl. Lioncub joined us on January 13th, 2013. My sister's lucky number strikes again. (13 is Lioness' lucky number, as she was also born on a 13th.)
And at the hospital, I saw the Shaggy knockoff in emo clothing face to face. Shade Squidbilly himself. Walking up to me wearing his all black hoodie and pants combo, sporting that dumb looking goatee, and grinning that stupid... really nice... smile--
Something's wrong.
My ears aren't twitching.
The tingle's not going off.
What?!
Shade held his hand out with a smile and nodded to me.
"So you're Fennec... you chose to come along to help Fennecmom and Lioness? It's much appreciated. I'm Shade."
Dammit, you're not supposed to be normal! Something was screwy here. Maybe the tingle went away or something... oh god, did I lose my superpower?!
While we were at the hospital that day, Shade was perfect. He was a nice guy, helpful in every way, and was warm and welcoming to me and my mother. I still didn't much like the guy (he still took that BAD picture with Lioness), but he wasn't setting off my usual signals. So... I let it go. Again, I figured maybe I just lost the Tingle and he might still be scum.
And then after Fennecmom and I got settled into our hotel room, we went to meet the rest of Shade's family, the Squidbillies.
And the Tingle came back in FULL FORCE on all but one of them, that being Mama Squidbilly. Mama was legitimately the nicest woman I've ever met, second only to Yutafa's mother and my own Fennecmom. But the rest of them? Didn't like the "city boy an' classy momma" coming from their "high rises" to rescue their "li'l gurl" (weird wording, and a red flag of its' own that the tingle picked up on). Despite the fact we told them we were from rural background like these inbred hicks. But I digress. These guys were clearly bad news... so why wasn't Shade being picked up by the Fennec Tingle?
...oh shit, was he a good person?!
...well, let's move along. Lioness got out of the hospital within a day, and we brought her back to the house with my new niece Lioncub. Given that Lioncub JUST got done being 3D-printed in the womb, she wasn't really prone to much conversational contribution. Shade, on the other hand, turned out to be into a lot of the same things I was. He played video games, watched a lot of cartoons, and in general seemed pretty... personable. And like his sister, turned out he was a good cook, though I had considerably less to learn from him than Python. Either way, he and I got along well during the stay. I figured that he would be able to take care of my sister.
"I know that you didn't have the best impression of me before all of this, Fennec, but I do wanna say... thanks for putting that aside and flying out with your mom."
"No, I'm sorry. I... shouldn't have assumed the worst of you, Shade. You're alright."
He and I shook hands that night.
Now, there was ONE moment where the beginning of a twitch started to form while I was there... at one point, halfway through the stay, I needed to use the bathroom at their place. So I went upstairs, and took a wrong turn into the bedroom. At that moment, I heard a shout.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?!"
I spun around and saw Shade standing in the bathroom door and froze when I saw his face. Gone was the friendly Shaggy Rogers expression, replaced with a slightly crazed glare and grit teeth. But as quickly as it was there, it vanished into his usual neutral state.
"I... I was looking for the bathroom..." I muttered, ignoring a tiny twinge in my ear.
"Oh, right here, buddy," he motioned behind him. "Sorry, personal space and all that. We all get protective of our own bubble, you know?"
"Yeah... h-heh, I get it."
As quickly as it had come, it was gone. I should have heeded that twinge more, but I didn't. Life went on until we got ten days into our stay. Mom decided that she'd seen enough, and that Lioness didn't need our help anymore. She was taking to her motherly duties well (in fact, when we went out, she was becoming as fiercely protective of her daughter as she had been fiercely competitive in high school), and she was comfortable letting us head home after that week and a half. We said our farewells, and wished her and Shade well as we returned home to the Dustbowl.
Shortly afterward, we relocated ourselves from the old farm to a small scout ranch in the nearby mountains, to serve as caretakers in exchange for free rent on the property. It was fortuitous that we did so, as we would soon learn that this new, larger property was going to become very important.
Now, the rest of this story is told from the perspective given to me by my sister. She didn't tell us a whole lot about how things were going before we arrived because... well...
...she didn't want to admit she was wrong.
So here's what happened from Lioness' perspective.
Shade was no saint at all. In fact, he was an abusive, manipulative bastard.
The Fennec Tingle didn't fail me.
Rather, Shade had a counteracting superpower of his own... the Shade Smokescreen, which allowed him to, for periods of time less than a year, appear as normal as possible, and even confound my sixth sense. It wasn't my fault at all, he was just that good at pulling the wool over others' eyes... for short bursts at least.
So what was he doing to make money?
He was, and I swear to god, this is absolutely true... a coke dealer. One who was violently possessive of Lioness. And she'd only seen it well into her pregnancy, when the two of them got their ultrasound of Lioncub and found out she was having a girl. Shade, wanting a boy, became infuriated, and started to lash out at her for not giving him a son. According to Lioness, he slapped her, punched her, and at one point, he even pushed her straight down the stairs while she was eight months heavy.
As for employment, he did take odd jobs here and there, but would always abandon them when he realized he would have to pay taxes as opposed to his "tax free revenue" from the cocaine.
In hindsight, I should have realized something was up the instant that he snapped at me. Lioness told me that he ranted at her that night after we returned to our hotel room, and said that if I'd entered and seen the coke, that they would have been dealing with a dead fennec. So I didn't realize it at the time, but I narrowly avoided death.
After we had left, Shade was right back to being a piece of shit. The Squidbilly clan continued to put upon Lioness for months as she returned to work faster than she really should have, in a desperate attempt to make SOME legitimate revenue to keep them afloat. Shade barely put in the effort to raise the baby, and would play video games and watch his South Park DVDs incessantly. apparently, there were nights that Lioncub would be starving when Lioness came home from work, which as everyone knows, is not fucking okay to do to a child!
And then it happened.
We got the fateful phone call at the new ranch three months after Lioncub was born.
It was Lioness, shouting in tearful rage on the other end of the phone.
"Mom, Stepfennec, you have to get me out of here!"
We learned that Shade had finally stepped over the line in his abusive cocaine dealer bullshit by HITTING LIONCUB WHILE SHE WAS CRYING. A fight broke out, and Lioness tried to attack him, but he beat her pretty badly. He then immediately stepped out, and that was when Lioness grabbed the phone and made the call to us.
Now, at this point, I had nabbed my first job at Small-Town Pizza Shop with Stepfennec's motivation, so this time, I was not going to be able to go down with Fennecmom to save her... but thankfully, Stepfennec pulled up his cop britches Urkel-high and looked at me.
"Son... yer stayin' behind ta feed th' horses an' watch the ranch. We gotta Lioness ta save."
iamthelaw.judgedredd
Fennecmom and Stepfennec were out the door and in the air to Savanna within three hours. For a week, I was on my own, watching over our property. The instant they landed, they got to work brute-forcing all of Lioness' stuff into her Jeep (which she'd driven there from Dallesport), packing up their daughter and granddaughter, and zooming right out of Savanna before Shade had a chance to register what happened. Mama Squidbilly herself even played interference when she learned what the plan was, having Shade come over to "help yer ol' mama with sum heavy liftin'!" Mama Squidbilly, if you're still with us, THANK YOU.
Miraculously, they managed to get out without ever dealing with him in person. Not that Stepfennec wasn't ready to go full Hank Hill on Shade's ass, but it's probably for the best that he didn't.
It took them a week of driving before they arrived back home, Lioness and Lioncub in tow. The two moved into one of the many extra rooms the ranchhouse had, and they were now safe. And I got to help raise my niece from that point forward!
So that's the end of the story!
...right?
noitsnot.phantasm2
See, when Shade got home and saw that his woman, not to mention a lot of the stuff they shared possession of, was gone? He was NOT happy. And he immediately got on his facebook and posted a picture.
A picture of a corpse hanging from a tree.
And he tagged the corpse as "Lioness Foxicus".
It was a very obvious threat. One that drove Lioness into a panic. But Stepfennec assured her that he had plenty of guns, and that if Shade ever showed up to make good on the threat, he was ready and willing to put two in his tenspot.
A month later, we got the most hilarious news.
He tried to drive out to make good on the threat. And passed through Wisconsin.
Where there was a warrant for his arrest.
jamisonlaugh.spiderman
He got immediately pulled over and jailed, preventing him from making good on the threat. Not that he would likely have made it all the way from Illinois to the pacific northwest, the absolute lout. Eventually, he did get out and gave up, returning home to Savanna...
Where it turned out that the whole thing happened again with ANOTHER girl!
jamisonareyouserious.spiderman
Yep, Python did the SAME thing with another girl, lured her out and left her to be another broodmare for Shade's freak seed. See why I said this whole thing was a Squidbilly Clan conspiracy? In addition to this, Lioness immediately sought legal action, seeking alimony payments from the bastard. Shade never sent a dime, so she chose to seek action to garnish his wages for any job he ever possesses. He would always find out and quit to find a new job, however, and eventually, it got to the point where the evil emo Shaggy Rogers lost parental rights of the child entirely. So Lioncub was now officially not his daughter anymore.
And so it ended that Shade Squidbilly, the biggest douche canoe I've ever met, was abandoned by Lioness to his devices. The lesson here? DON'T FUCK WITH LIONESS' CUB. SHE WILL BRING THE HAMMER DOWN.
Epilogue
Fennecmom and Stepfennec are now happily married, and have been since 2014. The two have never been more in love, and now that both are of retirement age, they get to spend as much time together as they possibly can. They also have a HUGE new house, one that I would say would be the country boy equivalent to a small mansion.
Lioness had several other encounters with less than ideal mates after Shade, all of which triggered the Fennec Tingle, but at the very least, none of them were anywhere near as monstrous. She has had a second child with one of them, Lioncub 2: The Sequel, and is currently with a man I refer to as Sheeran, and who is a complete dork. And I approve of him. No Fennec Tingle to be found.
Lioncub has grown to be a very... spirited 8 year old as of this writing. She's a bit of a handful, but she's a good kid who admires both her mother and Stepfennec, and I and glad to be able to make sure she gets raised right. Though I am glad that I only have to be the cool uncle and not a parent. :P
Last I heard, Python had returned to The Dalles and worked at Shari's. She learned nothing.
Shade Squidbilly continues to deal cocaine and try to entrap women into a pregnancy shotgun marriage. The whole Squidbilly Clan is still working towards this goal, with the exception of Mama, the only good member of that fucking clan.
Fennecdad, after being abandoned by Fennecmom, Lioness and myself, re-evaluated his life and tried to fix himself for the first time since his stroke, becoming a far better person, almost to the level I remember before I was 16. He ended up moving into a shared home with one of his ex-wives after a fateful truck crash, where he lived peacefully surrounded by his first son's family until ultimately passing away in 2018 from kidney/bladder cancer at the age of 80.
As for your author, you already know what's up with me if you saw the end of the Serpentbeard Saga this story ran parallel to! So we're gonna just skip that part!
Thank you for reading along with this ReddX-clusive Sideburn Story. If I think of any more tales to tell regarding the life of the electrical fennec, I will do my best to post them. Until then, trhanks again for joining another session of MMOGT, and remember that if you have a tale to get off your chest, do so. You'll feel better in the long run. Until we meet again down the road...
Insert Mega Man 2 ending theme tune here.
See You, Space Cowboy!
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2021.10.23 14:54 Uriahheeplol How to I take control of a dedicated server?

Sorry if this is a dumb question. My friends and I played all the time for a few months on a dedicated server, but they all stopped playing, and my friend who hosted the server doesn’t keep it up anymore. I expressed interest in wanting to play again on that world, so he sent me a .DB file that I have no idea what to do with, and I’m not tech savvy at all.
I’m just wondering if there is a way to take control of a dedicated server from somebody else so that I could keep it up myself? Thanks for reading.
submitted by Uriahheeplol to valheim [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 merveillian trading my extras! looking for fg dodo, fr arctic reindeer, + fr shrew :)

trading my extras! looking for fg dodo, fr arctic reindeer, + fr shrew :) submitted by merveillian to AdoptMeTrading [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 RLCD-Bot [Titanium White Ronin GXT] [Heat Lighting] [Netherworld] [Haunted Hoss]

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2021.10.23 14:54 xAVELINEx boys buying for 556! looking for sanrio items ;(kerokerokeroppi bridges & my melody hood especially), paper lanterns, iron frame diy, nmt (bell tips okay but nmt strongly preferred because i need shino!!! :P)

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2021.10.23 14:54 Vedra99 New

New pan. What do you think?
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2021.10.23 14:54 pumpkinmedic Day 6 of Evangelion week. Misato matchup tier list

Day 6 of Evangelion week. Misato matchup tier list submitted by pumpkinmedic to DeathBattleMatchups [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 Doctor-Placebo Making the right choice

Hi everyone, I hope you’re all having a wonderful evening. I’m new to the professional filmmaking community in Minneapolis, MN. We have a big commercial industry here, not much narrative. At the moment I’m a grip/electric for some of the productions in my area along with working at a rental house/stage. I’ve had a lot of experience now learning lights and grip gear which has benefited me greatly.
I’ve been thinking a lot as to what my next move is going to be. I have a budget of $10k to invest in gear for my career in cinematography. I’m at a crossroads. Although I want a career in cinematography (narrative & commercial) I want the tools to be self-sustainable with my own “production company”.
Since I have the connections to a greater commercial industry in my area, do I bother investing in anything BUT a camera? Or is it smarter to get the tools necessary to shoot, edit, write, and produce my own work?
Would love to hear your thoughts..
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2021.10.23 14:54 realjasong What if?

What if there was a mini-game mode “I, Talulah” where you played as Reunion and fought against RI operators? Canonically it can be Doctor simulating worst-case scenarios of a Reunion attack. (Inspired by a similar game mode in PVZ, of course)
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2021.10.23 14:54 grey_owI when U ask some old milk to take a family photo

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2021.10.23 14:54 Significant_Cold7746 Ether Fever prizes

Just wondering if anyone here participated and won a prize in the ether fever contest. If so, did you receive your prize yesterday?
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2021.10.23 14:54 Amazing-Mix-2021 What should I respond?

You didn't leave the meeting forever, probably there were some difficulties, maybe because of a pandemic. I hope you will come back
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2021.10.23 14:54 Academic-Education81 Encouragement

I take my NCLEX again on Wednesday after failing twice already. I feel more confident and have a better mind space this time, but I am still so nervous! Any good vibes, prayers, or last second tips are soooo encouraged!!!!
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2021.10.23 14:54 dudenotnude Hold Up....

Hold Up.... submitted by dudenotnude to Existentialism [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 bpb_milf_01 Precious and me taken at my house by a girl I had over.

Precious and me taken at my house by a girl I had over. submitted by bpb_milf_01 to PreciousPitbulls [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 Michellegills53 If you’re a serious sugar baby and someone that can be my text buddy and allowance of $500 twice in a week no fees or gift card

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2021.10.23 14:54 swords-r-cool It do be that sometimes

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2021.10.23 14:54 csreddit8 🚀 SpaceX Valuation Implications For Launch Sector $ASTR $NGCA $RKLB $SPCE 🚀

🚀 SpaceX Valuation Implications For Launch Sector $ASTR $NGCA $RKLB $SPCE 🚀 submitted by csreddit8 to VirginOrbit [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 skajanzsdfsdfdsf 👻GHOST OF WALLSTREET ON FTM NETWORK👻

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2021.10.23 14:54 remativ My first finished drawing .u.

My first finished drawing .u. submitted by remativ to ClipStudio [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 RandolphMcdanie22 Clone Army commander

Clone Army commander submitted by RandolphMcdanie22 to StarWarsBattlefront [link] [comments]


2021.10.23 14:54 jovial_cynic_ I'm writing a novel, and I need some info on lab-people.

Hi! I hope this is ok to ask, but having zero experience about the world of laboratories, and I'm not even quite sure where else to ask these questions.
I have a main character who works in a laboratory. In her role, she's running experiments on mice, recording brain activity before and after the application of various electric stimulus (shocking them in particular ways). The research is funded by a tech company.
In the story is a male character (love interest) who is going to take her research results and get credit for her work, and then do something nefarious with the results.
Based on this brief description, here are my questions:

Thanks!
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2021.10.23 14:54 mikolajsynak (pixel 4a) carbonara 🤤

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2021.10.23 14:54 Toni112007 Kada moram platiti porez na kriptovalute?

Naime investirao sam prije par mjeseci u ETH i prodao sam ga prije par dana i dobio duplo od uloženog (oko 400$ uloženo a dobiveno 850$) i sada mi ti novci stoje na euro walletu na coinbaseu (znači nisam ništa podigao nego stoje na računu od coinbasea.) Jel moram to odmah prijaviti za porez ili tek kad podignem novac na svoj bankovni račun?
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2021.10.23 14:54 themattv140 Do they think everyone can vote?

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